I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
