At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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