She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
