There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize