That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
