I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
