Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
