he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
