me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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