So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
