ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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