i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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