I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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