There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
