I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
