I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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