Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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