$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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