she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
