you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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