Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
