You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
