i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
