I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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