What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a beard to bite.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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