For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
