You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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