Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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