His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
