Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
