her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
