goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
