Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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