Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
