Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
