I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
