a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
