I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover