You smell like stripper and shame
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
