Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
