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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick

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• (516): View more from New York

  you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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• (646): View more from New York

  Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done

  (760): View more from California

  Victory lap

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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• (714): View more from California

  The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

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• (315): View more from New York

  If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover

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