I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.