Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
