I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
