There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
