can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
