You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
