that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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