She's JV to your varsity
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
