so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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