I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
