So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
