You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
