Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
