using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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