Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
