Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
