He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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