Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
