Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
