You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
