S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
