I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
