yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
