I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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