yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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