farters have to be the big spoon...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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