3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
