when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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