You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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