brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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