you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
