i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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