I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
