Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
