my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
