well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
