She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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