That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
