he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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