Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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