i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
