I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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